The Manhood Challenge of 2011

What is it about the coldest day of the winter season that draws out the stupid in the otherwise average-to-intelligent male?

We have had several snow storms this season that have dropped just short of a billion inches (an exact amount) total on South Central Kansas in just a few weeks.  In each of the major storms, I have either seen pictures of or witnessed with my own eyes the stupidity.  

The first storm, which produced the least amount of snow, resulted in only one example.  A Facebook friend posted a picture of a man on his cell phone after his car slid into the ditch outside of my friend’s house.  As the man called for help, I can only imagine that he felt like a jack ass--a cold jack ass--as he stood there in several inches of accumulated snow wearing nothing but a hoodie, shorts, and flip flops.  

In the next storm, which dumped considerably more snow, the examples of stupidity increased exponentially.  At the grocery store, as I, bundled in several layers, a coat, scarf, gloves, and snow boots, shivered up and down the aisles, in each aisle there was at least one man clothed in athletic shorts and a pathetic excuse for a coat in the form of a hoodie.  I’ll give the guys at the grocery store this--they did at least have on shoes and socks.  Ankle socks, but socks nonetheless.

But the last snowstorm takes the cake.  As nine of the nineteen inches of “Snowpocalypse” fell to the ground during the school day, I stood at the exit watching my students leave.  Not one, not two, not three, but fifteen of the boys exited the building wearing shorts, no coat, and a feeble hoodie against the gathering cold.  These aren’t the dumb kids either, nor were they kids who truly had no pants to wear because they couldn’t afford them.  It was purely choice.

Later that night, as I again trudged out in the snow to take out the dog, another man walked by in shorts and hoodie.  Seriously?

I reported my sightings to Courtney, who confirmed her dismay, noting the same issues with several coaches, students, and other men she’d seen in the community around her school.

Perhaps I’m missing the parts to understand, but I really don’t get it.  Does dressing like a dumb ass truly make you that much more of a man?  Certainly not.  The morning after the last snow fall, as I shoveled my drive way and sidewalks clear (which I believe earns me the man merit badge in the Girl Scouts), I saw a lady at the corner of my street stuck in a drift.  Appropriately clothed in hat, scarf, coat, gloves, and snow boots, she was on the phone with help on the way.  The help, in the form of two men who live down the street, came dressed in Carhart coveralls, hats, gloves, and work boots.  With just one shove, they had her back in the clear and driving more cautiously down the road.  Certainly this is a bigger display of masculinity than wearing too little clothing.

So why the sudden surge of improperly clothed men?  What exactly does it prove to wear as little as possible when the wind chill is negative thousand degrees?  I’m pretty sure frostbite can affect all inappropriately protected appendages.  Then what would these guys have to prove?

But this week, as it’s warmed up considerably, it hit me.  When it’s 115 degrees in the shade with a heat index high enough to bake bread on the sidewalk, I don’t see these same guys working very hard to prove how tough they are.  And so is born the challenge.  I want to see these real men in August wearing all of the snow gear they’ve seemed to forget in their closets this winter.  When hell would be cooler than Kansas, I want to see the guy down the street wearing ski pants, a down coat, snow boots, fleece hat, and protective gloves while he mows the lawn.  In the middle of the afternoon.

The wool lined glove has been tossed.  And I triple dog dare you.